This is the latest instalment of my work-in-progress novel, which you can read here The Hunt for the Great Bear 4. The work so far has generated some very helpful, and sometimes very enthusiastic comments, and I do look forward to receiving more after this new posting. I do respond to all posts and comments, whether they’re put here, or sent directly to my email, and all ideas and suggestions will be taken very seriously when I’ve finished the book, and come to work on the next draft. And, once again, I really do appreciate all the interest you’re showing in this new work.
Thanks.
Advertisement
davidcalcutt
Hi David, a well-written and atmospheric chapter as usual,
Grubhunter’s character – little boy tagging along, desperate to be accepted by the men – is coming through really well here, I felt his sense of exclusion. It was interesting that the animal takes part of him with it.
This is quite a slow chapter, and I wonder if enough happens in it, that’s different to what has happened before. Depending on what comes next, it might be possible to amalgamate it with the previous or next chapter.
Here are a few minor things I picked up:
“Shafter taking the rear. We took it slow and quiet, treading careful, nobody talking. Everybody alert, taking note” – lot of ‘take’ in there.
“all over your boots”… what are they wearing on their feet, in fact? It won’t be ordinary boots, but is it leather, and if so held together with what, etc.
“We’d wait for him to make his decision then, move on after him when he set off again.”
Think the comma’s in the wrong place.
There are several places where you’ve missed out a word and Word isn’t showing it:
halfway to (the) ridge at the top
“It ain’t like I thought it’d be(“) I said to him.
made me suddenly feel lonely for it and (I) wished the hunt was over
a look on his face that (was) scared and eager
Especially the last page, so worth doing another proof read.
Thanks for all this detailed attention, Leila. I’ll certainly be putting those corrections in. And when it come to the final draft, will have a think about what you’ve said about it feeling slow. Could be quite a bit of “speed-cutting” throughout the whole book. I really appreciate this. Thanks again.